My son is only four, but with the speed at which children grow up these days, it won’t be long before he starts going on dates. (If you have a daughter, try these or these, from much nicer people than me.) He’s a friendly, good-looking kid, so I don’t blame you for being interested. Second things second, I love my son, even though he’s currently screaming bloody murder because I didn’t slice his pizza correctly, and if you ever do anything to make him scream like he’s screaming right now ? I’m the adult here, and I have decades of life experience that have taught me, among many other things, that making threats of violence to teenagers is a not a reasonable thing to do. I don’t even have a watergun, let alone an arsenal of weapons with which to frighten youngsters, because that’s just f*@#ing nutso. Just be a decent human being and we should be good. So I thought I’d write a little something to anyone who is considering going to the drive-in and the ice cream stand – or maybe the roller rink and soda shop? Look, we both know what I was implying, and I apologize. Why would I threaten someone who just wants to get to know my son better and maybe – just maybe – could end up being a member of my family? And if doing so is a parent’s go-to strategy, that parent is more dangerous than the teenager. If anything goes wrong, I’ll probably just want to talk to you, and maybe your parents. Bruce Cameron Please do not remove the copyright from this essay When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend? But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter? He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter? If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. You invited her on this awkward field trip and it’s your responsibility to make things un-awkward. Don’t ask dumb questions like Avoid romantic clichés and plan a fun experience. DO NOT go to a fancy French restaurant on your first date—unless you’re held hostage by fancy-pants kidnappers. Don’t look to her to figure things out—take the initiative. But it’s likely you will date a number of girls along the journey to marriage and you need to treat each one with respect and integrity, because one day they will marry. The theme song for the night should not come from Olivia Newton-John. Seriously, though, she should feel safe and secure both in her environment and with you. re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?? Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.
I agree with granny on this one, if you don't have ill intentions what do you have to fear?You and I have talked a lot about relationships, purity and sex (I know that talk was a little awkward, forgive me for the drawings already), but I wanted to pass along some of the more specific dating deets (do the cool kids still say that? Here are 15 dating rules that, if followed, will set you up for success and guide you away from some of the worst awkwardness known to mankind. Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick!Some forums can only be seen by registered members. Starting with ex-military as a pre-requisite since the "guy" making the rules was.I know I’ll have taught my son the important stuff, so that by the time you start making googly eyes at him, he’ll be respectful and kind and honest, but also loyal and brave and tolerant and accepting. It’s the foundation of any good relationship, and totally bullet-free. No, I’m not going to threaten you physically or verbally or even with sign language.