And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.
This can happen because in the back of your mind, you'll have this ongoing chorus playing: "All men are just like my ex-husband. All men fall out of love and break up with you." It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar.
You'll scare away the men who have it together because they'll recognize your distrust immediately.
Dating after divorce is tricky too, and I’ve found some things I think are good indicators of how whole a person is, and how ready they are for a healthy relationship.
Sure, your dating profile says something like, “Let’s be friends first and see where that takes us.” But most people I meet are really hoping that friendship takes us to the next wave of affection. We have found our own way out of the desert of depression and despair. Their divorce is still too painful, or their relationship with their ex is still too volatile. If, however you begin to think your shit is sufficiently together to date again, some new boundaries are in order.
Even under duress, I am showing how I can remain calm, and make strong and positive decisions. Especially in the early stages of a new relationship. And often this trauma causes us to revert to old and unhealthy defense mechanisms. I have seen both men and women who were WAY to enmeshed with their children.
And of course, as a divorced, and now-single parent, I am going to do everything I can to take care of my kids needs. Maybe the kid was a brat who was completely undisciplined.